Getting a Grip on Anger

I get the feeling that there are a lot of angry people out there in the world these days. I suppose there always have been, but it seems angry people are almost the norm these days, and they shouldn't be, especially in our day-to-day multifamily world.

Scenario 1   Receiving an email notification that the resident’s online ACH payment was unsuccessful because the bank was unable to locate the account provided, the manager or assistant manager sends the resident notification that the payment did not go through. Depending on what the payment is for (rent versus an application fee, for example) the resident may be able to go back in and pay again. Or, the manager may charge an NSF and ask for another form of payment.

The Resident Reaction: Could be one of two things, one, the resident is apologetic and submits another payment. Or, two, the resident becomes hostile and angry and says the “website must be the problem” because I have money in my account. Pressed with the possibility that perhaps the information was keyed in incorrectly, the resident, unable to admit making a mistake, continues with the blame game. Every conversation becomes more hostile than the previous one ending finally with, “I need corporate’s number because obviously YOU don’t know what you’re doing!”

Scenario 2   Upon receiving a police report confirming a disturbance at a residence, the resident is issued a Lease Violation Notice.

The Resident Reaction: One, resident confirms the disturbance, explains what happens and apologizes, saying it will not be a reoccurring problem. Or, two, the phone rings and interrupting the Leasing Professional mid-sentence, “Hey, what is this Lease Violation I got? Nothing happened at MY apartment! I don’t know what the hell you think – you got no right to give me no letter telling me I am disturbing the peace!”

Scenario 3   The Shopper entered the community and upon finishing the Shop of the community and leasing consultant submits his report to the management company. The Regional reviews it, finds the total score to be less than meeting the company’s expectations, and sets up a meeting with the manager and leasing consultant.

The Leasing Consultant’s Reaction: In this scenario, most leasing consultants will be thoughtful as the points are discussed. Generally, he/she will respond with his side of the “story.” Usually then he will sign off on the report and accept consequences, such as being told to take more training through the LMS online by a certain date. However, once the conversation ends, nine times out of ten, the leasing consultant will share his/her anger with coworkers.

Scenario 4   The Manager called the Maintenance Supervisor/Tech to say they just rented a vacant unit but the person wants to move in in 2 days. The unit has been painted, but not cleaned, the carpet is being replaced but not scheduled and no one in the maintenance department has been to complete the make-ready. Twenty minutes later, the Manager calls again to say there is an emergency water leak in another unit. An hour later, when the Supervisor comes through the office to check for work orders, he is told that the dumpster at the back of the property is a mess (because the grounds-person called in sick and the tech onsite did not know and hadn’t policed the grounds.)

Possible Reaction: I think it would be no surprise when the Supervisor walks into the Shop and slams the work orders on the desk in a burst of anger.

Anger is a very real part of property management professionals’ day. We deal with every aspect of a property’s welfare: financially, aesthetically, and maintaining each aspect of the physical asset. In all my years in this business, I have concluded that anger is a result of not recognizing what is truly bothering us. Instead of figuring this out, we allow anger to rise to the surface and affect us in the most negative ways possible. Rather than understanding that we CAN make a mistake, we do not give ourselves PERMISSION to do so; then inevitably we do make a mistake, so we look to blame the other person – whoever – anybody – because we are AFRAID that if we make a mistake something dire will happen. Rather than admitting one may have keyed in the wrong account information when making a payment, the person blames someone else and looks to someone else to RESOLVE the situation. No one likes feeling guilty of making a mistake, but somehow one would do or say anything rather than accept their imperfection. 

Most people who are easily angered have problems with their own self-images. They use anger to mask their feelings of inadequacy. What I would love to see in our industry are classes offered to both employees and residents that teach self-soothing techniques. Wouldn’t it be great to teach people that they can survive the pain of embarrassment, guilt, and fear without screaming at someone else, physically and/or verbally assaulting another, using vicious sarcasm, insults, or posting ugly reviews about the community online? 

We need to give employees and residents alike the ability to self-empower so feeling vulnerable is felt as a good thing AND it is received in a like fashion. Residents who admit to making a mistake, for example, should be dealt with in a compassionate manner, not in a passive-aggressive way. So, when the resident asks if a late fee could be waived, and the manager can say, “I’m happy to grant a one-time waiver!” it is a win-win for everyone. To me, this works so much better than having a resident yelling she is calling corporate and having the Corporate Office grant the waiver because then every time the resident is upset and angry, that is what she will do and it leaves the onsite team impotent. 

When people feel empowered to make a decision, their confidence builds. Confident people make better leaders and confident consultants can close more leases.And that leads to happiness.