What Holds You Back In Your Life?

The other day one of our service providers stopped in for a Courtesy Call – you know, just checking to see if we needed any collateral marketing materials for the Leasing and Move-In packets. As we usually do, we ended up sitting and chatting about life. Pretty soon, I noticed the conversation take a turn on a much more personal level so I asked him if something was bothering him.

He went on to tell me how sad it is for him these days – still – after a tough break-up with his girlfriend. This kind of life change can devastate even the most stalwart of people. I listened intently. I searched his face (wanted to make sure I had some Kleenex nearby if needed.) All I saw and heard was a sad tale of woe and a man filled with regret. So I asked him if he still talks to his former girlfriend.

“Oh, yeah, we still talk. I still see her; we still get together.”

“Do you try to tell her you’re sorry” (basically for being a jerk and not treating her more like a girlfriend instead of a mother – his words, not mine.)

We discussed a lot of details about the relationship. I looked at him and told him two things. One, he needs to decide what he wants and he needs to forgive his past actions. Then, he needs to let her go. Stop calling her. Stop hearing her say she doesn’t want to get back together right now. Those words, “right now,” are killing your spirit because it encourages you to be hopeful of the wrong thing.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“You are 36-years old. You already said you recognize how you could have been a better partner and not taken her for granted. You just said you want to be married and you want kids and to be a dad, the kind of father you never had.”

He nodded.

“Then go after what you want!” I said. “If you went to her and laid your heart right out there in the palm of her hand and she said this is not what she wants, then let her go. Stop living in the past and stop idealizing this girl. There is someone out there who will want the same things you do, who is ready for that, too, and who will love you as you deserve. But if you sit at home, taking care of a dog you think of as your baby, then you will be exactly where you are now in five years. Then you’ve passed the 40-year mark.”

Let go of the past. We must all do this. Otherwise, how can you remain hopeful and move toward the future? The first step is recognizing where you went wrong, making self corrections, setting a new goal and doing what it takes to get there. This works in our business life, too.

What are you holding onto that is holding you back????